Brighter side to cold dark days

What a grumpy old cow I was in my last post, what a whinge! I'm glad to say that I have slapped myself out of it. I have signed up to do a course which will help with my aim to become self employed, signed up with some agencies which may help me move to a job where I can have more realistic hours to enable me to find the time I need to set up on my own. And I've also been to London, which was related to my current job, but gave me a great excuse to meet up with some friends down there who I haven't seen for ages and had a very good night with.

And, inspired by RT's effort to look at cold, dark days in a more positive way, I have even been thinking of good things that winter brings. OK this may be a short list. So far I have:

• I can hide all my flabby bits under big baggy jumpers


• Cold weather is a great excuse to make - and eat - soup every night


• It feels great getting into bed early, snuggling under the duvet and reading


• I do get in touch with people around Xmas time who I don't see or hear from most of the rest of the year


• Cold, dark nights make me less enthusiastic about going on nights out, so saving money


• You know its only a few months til spring.
  

that last one isnt quite in the 'trying to love winter' spirit, but I tried.

And back to reality..

So. You get back from a great holiday. Winter is well and truly here, cold and wet. And did I mention cold. You take the dog out in the morning in the dark, you take him for a walk when you get in from work – yup, in the dark. Things you enjoy like walking and horse riding are severely limited due to lack of daylight. And the cold.

You go back to work to find that it is in fact as bad as when you left it – maybe worse as you have a pile of stuff to catch up on, as well as trying to manage to do the equivalent of two jobs. You realise that you didn’t just take work home with you and spend several nights in the week before the holiday working at home because you had to clear lots before you went away – but in fact that will have to become the norm if you are to keep on top of your everything. A discussion with your boss results in the unhelpful surmise that that’s the way it is because we’re short staffed and we have got a lot on (hmm, really). Your suggestion of actually reducing the amount of work does not go down well.

Can it get worse? Well, yes. You look at your wage slip and realise it’s substantially down on last months. You think it must be an error as you have been in the same job with the same salary for 2 years. You ring your finance department – who blame the Inland Revenue as they have changed your tax code. You ring the Inland Revenue – who blame your finance department for not giving them information sooner (maybe about 2 years ago then??) – but it doesn’t matter anyway because they have indeed changed your tax code which means you are now going to get the same gross wage but substantially less going into your grubby mitts – or bank account– because it’s been decided you have to pay more tax, and there is no point in arguing with the Inland Revenue because it is like arguing with a brick wall.

What do you do?

The Good Times

The holiday was everything and more I had hoped, mainly because the island was such an amazing, spectacular place. Phrases like breath taking views and picture postcard scenery sound cheesy and over used – but fit the bill perfectly.

In one day you could drive through clouds at the top of a mountain, come down through tree lined hills, stop off to look at some historical ruins, sun yourself on a beautiful beach with clean white sand and jewel coloured sea, and eat out in a taverna in one of the little villages, with fresh fish caught that day on the menu.

I loved the lack of shops, noise, traffic – the place we stayed is supposedly the most tourist-y village on the island. It has a choice of about six or seven tavernas and a couple of bars – the café type bars where local chaps would gather – two small supermarkets and a couple of touristy shops with the ubiquitous fridge magnets and take home tat.

I loved the lack of bustle, hassle and rushing – the pace is relaxed, chilled, slow. It took me two hours to hire a car during which the car rental owner and me had great debates about state of Greece, the UK and the universe, two cups of coffee, and several cigarettes (him not me).

I loved the lack of roads, signs, and imposed rules. There is one main road around the island, every other route is dirt track. Some parts of the main road are tarmac lots are not. There are very few signs, the road is a bit hair raising, most corners are scary and occasionally some of the worst have a warning sign. But nothing more. There is nothing to force motor bike riders to wear crash helmets – so they don’t. There is no ‘no parking’ you abandon your vehicle wherever you feel like it (which suits my parking skills just fine)

I even loved driving along the roads and tracks once I realised that driving in the middle of the road is the norm, getting tooted at isn’t a bad sign, and how to avoid goats on the road. You would also swerve to avoid people, usually old people, walking on the road seemingly in the middle of nowhere and heading for the other end of nowhere, or at least miles from any identifiable houses or village.

I loved the friendliness, hospitality and community sense of the place – maybe we experienced it more as there were few tourists this time of year so had lots of time to talk to local people. In restaurants and bars if they didn’t have the right change we were told just to drop the money in the next day. The owner of the hotel where we stayed wanted an early night one night and just left me and a couple of others who’d got into a deep conversation to it in the bar, asking us to turn off the lights when we’d had enough. I asked a lady who ran a local gift shop for 10 years whether she closed for the winter. “I don’t open my shop,” she said, “But because I sell gifts and presents, not just for tourists, everyone here knows me and if they want to come and buy anything they just knock on my door or ring me, and I open up so they can get what they need.”

Most of all I loved the space, the uncluttered-ness, the different priorities people had to those we have here. They have no old people’s homes – they have close family and have different generations living together. People have a house which is seen as a home and just needs to be big enough to live in, rather than an investment, money maker, or for their pension. Just about everyone seemed to have some element of self sufficiency, growing vegetables and fruits, usually with a goat or chickens nearby.

There were no chainstores, business parks, or queues for anything. Shops shut after lunch and opened again for a few hours in the evening – if they felt like it. There were bus stops, but buses were of the infrequently spotted variety.

I know, I know I know – it is a completely different place and environment and comparing there and here is like comparing apples and pears. And I am sure I’m seeing it through a holiday makers rose tinted spectacles – or sunglasses. But it sure has made me unsettled, restless, and questioning everything from what I'm doing to whether I'm living in the wrong place!!

Holiday snaps

Had a wonderful, relaxing, chilled out holiday but the shock of returning after more than two weeks to the cold and dark and getting back to putting in ridiculous hours at work and dashing about with everything else, means for now the pictures will have to speak for themselves!

Going.. going,,

Gone - for what I hope will be 2 weeks of sun & fun, rest & relaxation. And I hope to be back batteries recharged, revived and ready to go. Oops can hear the Son struggling with the suitcases, best go give him a hand..!

Being a better blogger - and books

Well I’m still a long way from it but was one of the things I said I would aim for in my last post. I must do better. Its irritating how life gets hectic. So apologies to the Cornish Dreamer who set a number of questions (a meme?? See still don’t know the blogging lingo!). I did start musing a while ago and even started writing something but did a Gordon Brown and dithered about and changed my mind several times so didn’t get anything finished.

The past couple of weeks have been a non stop whirl of wedding stuff – I normally love going to other peoples weddings but had been persuaded/ brow beaten into being a bridesmaid for a friend (at my age and cynicism!!). I’ve found out that when you are grown up being bridesmaid is not just a lot of fun of dressing up and going to a party as it is when you are 8 years old, but actually entails a lot of hassle, responsibilities, and expense. So I’m skint, knackered and relieved its over now as the wedding was last weekend. I am sure I will be tempted to come back to that subject another time, but for now, answers to the questions from Cornish Dreamer.

My reading

What do I like to read.
Absolutely anything and everything. My mother always said that I would sit at the dinner table and read the back of the bottles and boxes (stylish presentation of meals was never her thing). I may be a little more discerning now but I do like a mix. I love it when you pick a book and author you’ve never heard of but surprises you with how good or different it is.

Total number of books I have
Hundreds but wouldn’t like to really guess. As well as those I can see, there are boxes full in the garage. I tend to have a good clear out and send lots to charity shops every now and then – but do have a habit of visiting same shops and stocking up again!

Last book I bought
I’ve bought a few recently as am going on holiday soon but the very latest is The Memory Keepers Daughter by Kim Edwards

Last book I read
Have just re-read Captain Corellis Mandolin by Louis de Bernieres as I'm going to Kefalonia where the book is set (the book is, as with so many, much better than the film)

5 meaningful books
Animal Farm by George Orwell – I read this when I was in my teens and was fascinated
Watership Down by Richard Adams – this was the first book that made me cry (when I was little, I must add)
The five people you meet in heaven by Mitch Albom – a brilliant read, really moving and thought provoking
The Edible Woman by Margaret Atwood – the first book I read by Atwood, I’ve been a fan since, and think the issues are as relevant now
Two Caravans by Marina Lewycka – goes from really funny comical moments to really sad and shocking. Those people who think immigrants have an easy time in this country should be made to read this!

A new year's resolutions

I would quite happily forget my birthday and pretend it doesn’t happen and hasn’t happened for many a year - I already forget what my age is so I guess the next step is forgetting the entire date. Look forward to that one! But people just won’t let you.

So when it was that time of the year again at the weekend, I was very very pleased that it was on a day when I had already been invited to someone else’s party, so when people asked I was able to say that yes I was going out on my birthday - but quite happily not to a party thrown for me or by me – just turn up and be a guest at someone else’s do. And very enjoyable it was too. I think one of my worst horrors would be anyone ever arranging any kind of ‘surprise’ parties – surprises like that are the stuff of nightmares and Cilla Black…

But I have had to accept the fact that I will now have to put 'age 38' on forms – well, if I can remember how old I am – and I am indeed moving ever closer to that over 40s category. Bugger, do i have to change the intro to this blog too?

To test out the spirit of maturity and sensibleness that presumably must now come with my increasingly old age, I thought I’d have a look back and reflect on the past year and think about what I want to do over the next 12 months – which I know will, like the last, fly by whatever happens – that's an age thing as well. If nothing else birthdays seem an apt time to make resolutions - better than those that everyone makes at New Year then finds January so depressing they have to turn to cigarettes/ alcohol/ chocolate etc.

So things I am pleased I have done in the last year – I have:
Finished – and successfully passed – an MA (and must remember though I love learning things... never again !!)
Stopped smoking – properly as opposed to the just-maybe-having-well-ok-one or- two-wont-really-count type stopping
Got fitter and healthier – although not yet marathon woman type fitness – I have lost weight which took me by surprise, I do some – albeit at the moment ‘gentle’ – exercise regularly, I think i eat much healthier – I think recent nagging from the chiropractor helped – and even have less wine without too much trauma.
Rediscovered the joys of horse riding – after a good 20 years or so out of the saddle
Got the upstairs of the house done up and redecorated – except the bathroom but that will need serious surgery some time in the future and will do for now
Been to 2 new places I’d never been to before – Paris and Belfast, both fab in very different ways.

All in all not a bad year then, had lots of fun and enjoyable stuff… so what about the next 12 months..

What do I want to do?

The most challenging – bollox I’ll just say difficult/ terrifying/ hugely risky thing – will be leaving my job. Having decided that I don’t want to just get another job as I would be doing the same things and have the same things that bore me or frustrate me just in a different organisation - so I want to set up on my own.
I've given it lots of thought and spoken to others who've done similar, I’ve shared it in much confidence with one or two people I trust and who are potential good contacts – and their advice and supportive comments have been hugely encouraging.
I know the only thing stopping me is the financial risks but if I give myself 12 months then I can work it out properly, get some proper advice and have plans in place. I know it’ll be hard work – but I work damn hard at the moment just for someone else!

By default this will help me with my next resolution – to sort out my finances and stop spending every penny and more that I get in. If I want to work for myself then I have to get much much better at the financial stuff. And I really should start doing things which sound tedious but mature like compare prices and companies for stuff like insurance and phones and gas and boring stuff. (see that’s the wrong attitude I have there already – I should be saying it will be exciting when I realise what I’ve been missing and how much money I can save by switching things – honest!)

I definitely will do at least one charity run – though maybe not a marathon this year; and will continue to not ‘diet’ because I don’t/ cant do that – but keep up a healthier lifestyle. I have clothes that range from size 8-14 in my wardrobe(s) and though I don’t think I’ll ever see a size 8 again I would like to be more towards the smaller end of that range.

That’s just made me think I need to have a clear out. A new year spring clean (in autumn) And stop hoarding stuff and become more organised so I can find things, and, don’t have to have huge clear outs of stuff when I can't shut cupboards or drawers – the garage would be a good starting point – if I tried to park a car in there the only one I could get in would be a toy car. And become more organised generally so I’m not always rushing, late, forgetting to pay bills, or send in dinner money to school etc

Keep up the horse riding – starting again this week as I haven’t been since I hurt my back – and I am very excited as I have found a friend to go riding with who is just as excited about rediscovering horses as I am. So that’s going to be fun. And I would really like to take up guitar playing – I bought one over a year ago intending, as I do, to find a night class to join – and never have. But I'd like to give it a go.

And finally, be a better blogger. Having just discovered the world of blogs a few months ago, I haven’t written as often as I’d like – and also don’t check in regularly enough so I end up missing things on the other blogs I really like and having loads to catch up on.

So, reading this back, the picture I seem to have painted is that in 12 months time I will be sitting on a horse, having just completed a marathon, wearing size 8 jodhpurs, organising a meeting with my bank manager in my diary which presumably will be on the laptop I am using to update my blog while I strum a guitar.. Over ambitious – me?! watch this space!