Brighter side to cold dark days

What a grumpy old cow I was in my last post, what a whinge! I'm glad to say that I have slapped myself out of it. I have signed up to do a course which will help with my aim to become self employed, signed up with some agencies which may help me move to a job where I can have more realistic hours to enable me to find the time I need to set up on my own. And I've also been to London, which was related to my current job, but gave me a great excuse to meet up with some friends down there who I haven't seen for ages and had a very good night with.

And, inspired by RT's effort to look at cold, dark days in a more positive way, I have even been thinking of good things that winter brings. OK this may be a short list. So far I have:

• I can hide all my flabby bits under big baggy jumpers


• Cold weather is a great excuse to make - and eat - soup every night


• It feels great getting into bed early, snuggling under the duvet and reading


• I do get in touch with people around Xmas time who I don't see or hear from most of the rest of the year


• Cold, dark nights make me less enthusiastic about going on nights out, so saving money


• You know its only a few months til spring.
  

that last one isnt quite in the 'trying to love winter' spirit, but I tried.

And back to reality..

So. You get back from a great holiday. Winter is well and truly here, cold and wet. And did I mention cold. You take the dog out in the morning in the dark, you take him for a walk when you get in from work – yup, in the dark. Things you enjoy like walking and horse riding are severely limited due to lack of daylight. And the cold.

You go back to work to find that it is in fact as bad as when you left it – maybe worse as you have a pile of stuff to catch up on, as well as trying to manage to do the equivalent of two jobs. You realise that you didn’t just take work home with you and spend several nights in the week before the holiday working at home because you had to clear lots before you went away – but in fact that will have to become the norm if you are to keep on top of your everything. A discussion with your boss results in the unhelpful surmise that that’s the way it is because we’re short staffed and we have got a lot on (hmm, really). Your suggestion of actually reducing the amount of work does not go down well.

Can it get worse? Well, yes. You look at your wage slip and realise it’s substantially down on last months. You think it must be an error as you have been in the same job with the same salary for 2 years. You ring your finance department – who blame the Inland Revenue as they have changed your tax code. You ring the Inland Revenue – who blame your finance department for not giving them information sooner (maybe about 2 years ago then??) – but it doesn’t matter anyway because they have indeed changed your tax code which means you are now going to get the same gross wage but substantially less going into your grubby mitts – or bank account– because it’s been decided you have to pay more tax, and there is no point in arguing with the Inland Revenue because it is like arguing with a brick wall.

What do you do?

The Good Times

The holiday was everything and more I had hoped, mainly because the island was such an amazing, spectacular place. Phrases like breath taking views and picture postcard scenery sound cheesy and over used – but fit the bill perfectly.

In one day you could drive through clouds at the top of a mountain, come down through tree lined hills, stop off to look at some historical ruins, sun yourself on a beautiful beach with clean white sand and jewel coloured sea, and eat out in a taverna in one of the little villages, with fresh fish caught that day on the menu.

I loved the lack of shops, noise, traffic – the place we stayed is supposedly the most tourist-y village on the island. It has a choice of about six or seven tavernas and a couple of bars – the café type bars where local chaps would gather – two small supermarkets and a couple of touristy shops with the ubiquitous fridge magnets and take home tat.

I loved the lack of bustle, hassle and rushing – the pace is relaxed, chilled, slow. It took me two hours to hire a car during which the car rental owner and me had great debates about state of Greece, the UK and the universe, two cups of coffee, and several cigarettes (him not me).

I loved the lack of roads, signs, and imposed rules. There is one main road around the island, every other route is dirt track. Some parts of the main road are tarmac lots are not. There are very few signs, the road is a bit hair raising, most corners are scary and occasionally some of the worst have a warning sign. But nothing more. There is nothing to force motor bike riders to wear crash helmets – so they don’t. There is no ‘no parking’ you abandon your vehicle wherever you feel like it (which suits my parking skills just fine)

I even loved driving along the roads and tracks once I realised that driving in the middle of the road is the norm, getting tooted at isn’t a bad sign, and how to avoid goats on the road. You would also swerve to avoid people, usually old people, walking on the road seemingly in the middle of nowhere and heading for the other end of nowhere, or at least miles from any identifiable houses or village.

I loved the friendliness, hospitality and community sense of the place – maybe we experienced it more as there were few tourists this time of year so had lots of time to talk to local people. In restaurants and bars if they didn’t have the right change we were told just to drop the money in the next day. The owner of the hotel where we stayed wanted an early night one night and just left me and a couple of others who’d got into a deep conversation to it in the bar, asking us to turn off the lights when we’d had enough. I asked a lady who ran a local gift shop for 10 years whether she closed for the winter. “I don’t open my shop,” she said, “But because I sell gifts and presents, not just for tourists, everyone here knows me and if they want to come and buy anything they just knock on my door or ring me, and I open up so they can get what they need.”

Most of all I loved the space, the uncluttered-ness, the different priorities people had to those we have here. They have no old people’s homes – they have close family and have different generations living together. People have a house which is seen as a home and just needs to be big enough to live in, rather than an investment, money maker, or for their pension. Just about everyone seemed to have some element of self sufficiency, growing vegetables and fruits, usually with a goat or chickens nearby.

There were no chainstores, business parks, or queues for anything. Shops shut after lunch and opened again for a few hours in the evening – if they felt like it. There were bus stops, but buses were of the infrequently spotted variety.

I know, I know I know – it is a completely different place and environment and comparing there and here is like comparing apples and pears. And I am sure I’m seeing it through a holiday makers rose tinted spectacles – or sunglasses. But it sure has made me unsettled, restless, and questioning everything from what I'm doing to whether I'm living in the wrong place!!

Holiday snaps

Had a wonderful, relaxing, chilled out holiday but the shock of returning after more than two weeks to the cold and dark and getting back to putting in ridiculous hours at work and dashing about with everything else, means for now the pictures will have to speak for themselves!

Going.. going,,

Gone - for what I hope will be 2 weeks of sun & fun, rest & relaxation. And I hope to be back batteries recharged, revived and ready to go. Oops can hear the Son struggling with the suitcases, best go give him a hand..!

Being a better blogger - and books

Well I’m still a long way from it but was one of the things I said I would aim for in my last post. I must do better. Its irritating how life gets hectic. So apologies to the Cornish Dreamer who set a number of questions (a meme?? See still don’t know the blogging lingo!). I did start musing a while ago and even started writing something but did a Gordon Brown and dithered about and changed my mind several times so didn’t get anything finished.

The past couple of weeks have been a non stop whirl of wedding stuff – I normally love going to other peoples weddings but had been persuaded/ brow beaten into being a bridesmaid for a friend (at my age and cynicism!!). I’ve found out that when you are grown up being bridesmaid is not just a lot of fun of dressing up and going to a party as it is when you are 8 years old, but actually entails a lot of hassle, responsibilities, and expense. So I’m skint, knackered and relieved its over now as the wedding was last weekend. I am sure I will be tempted to come back to that subject another time, but for now, answers to the questions from Cornish Dreamer.

My reading

What do I like to read.
Absolutely anything and everything. My mother always said that I would sit at the dinner table and read the back of the bottles and boxes (stylish presentation of meals was never her thing). I may be a little more discerning now but I do like a mix. I love it when you pick a book and author you’ve never heard of but surprises you with how good or different it is.

Total number of books I have
Hundreds but wouldn’t like to really guess. As well as those I can see, there are boxes full in the garage. I tend to have a good clear out and send lots to charity shops every now and then – but do have a habit of visiting same shops and stocking up again!

Last book I bought
I’ve bought a few recently as am going on holiday soon but the very latest is The Memory Keepers Daughter by Kim Edwards

Last book I read
Have just re-read Captain Corellis Mandolin by Louis de Bernieres as I'm going to Kefalonia where the book is set (the book is, as with so many, much better than the film)

5 meaningful books
Animal Farm by George Orwell – I read this when I was in my teens and was fascinated
Watership Down by Richard Adams – this was the first book that made me cry (when I was little, I must add)
The five people you meet in heaven by Mitch Albom – a brilliant read, really moving and thought provoking
The Edible Woman by Margaret Atwood – the first book I read by Atwood, I’ve been a fan since, and think the issues are as relevant now
Two Caravans by Marina Lewycka – goes from really funny comical moments to really sad and shocking. Those people who think immigrants have an easy time in this country should be made to read this!

A new year's resolutions

I would quite happily forget my birthday and pretend it doesn’t happen and hasn’t happened for many a year - I already forget what my age is so I guess the next step is forgetting the entire date. Look forward to that one! But people just won’t let you.

So when it was that time of the year again at the weekend, I was very very pleased that it was on a day when I had already been invited to someone else’s party, so when people asked I was able to say that yes I was going out on my birthday - but quite happily not to a party thrown for me or by me – just turn up and be a guest at someone else’s do. And very enjoyable it was too. I think one of my worst horrors would be anyone ever arranging any kind of ‘surprise’ parties – surprises like that are the stuff of nightmares and Cilla Black…

But I have had to accept the fact that I will now have to put 'age 38' on forms – well, if I can remember how old I am – and I am indeed moving ever closer to that over 40s category. Bugger, do i have to change the intro to this blog too?

To test out the spirit of maturity and sensibleness that presumably must now come with my increasingly old age, I thought I’d have a look back and reflect on the past year and think about what I want to do over the next 12 months – which I know will, like the last, fly by whatever happens – that's an age thing as well. If nothing else birthdays seem an apt time to make resolutions - better than those that everyone makes at New Year then finds January so depressing they have to turn to cigarettes/ alcohol/ chocolate etc.

So things I am pleased I have done in the last year – I have:
Finished – and successfully passed – an MA (and must remember though I love learning things... never again !!)
Stopped smoking – properly as opposed to the just-maybe-having-well-ok-one or- two-wont-really-count type stopping
Got fitter and healthier – although not yet marathon woman type fitness – I have lost weight which took me by surprise, I do some – albeit at the moment ‘gentle’ – exercise regularly, I think i eat much healthier – I think recent nagging from the chiropractor helped – and even have less wine without too much trauma.
Rediscovered the joys of horse riding – after a good 20 years or so out of the saddle
Got the upstairs of the house done up and redecorated – except the bathroom but that will need serious surgery some time in the future and will do for now
Been to 2 new places I’d never been to before – Paris and Belfast, both fab in very different ways.

All in all not a bad year then, had lots of fun and enjoyable stuff… so what about the next 12 months..

What do I want to do?

The most challenging – bollox I’ll just say difficult/ terrifying/ hugely risky thing – will be leaving my job. Having decided that I don’t want to just get another job as I would be doing the same things and have the same things that bore me or frustrate me just in a different organisation - so I want to set up on my own.
I've given it lots of thought and spoken to others who've done similar, I’ve shared it in much confidence with one or two people I trust and who are potential good contacts – and their advice and supportive comments have been hugely encouraging.
I know the only thing stopping me is the financial risks but if I give myself 12 months then I can work it out properly, get some proper advice and have plans in place. I know it’ll be hard work – but I work damn hard at the moment just for someone else!

By default this will help me with my next resolution – to sort out my finances and stop spending every penny and more that I get in. If I want to work for myself then I have to get much much better at the financial stuff. And I really should start doing things which sound tedious but mature like compare prices and companies for stuff like insurance and phones and gas and boring stuff. (see that’s the wrong attitude I have there already – I should be saying it will be exciting when I realise what I’ve been missing and how much money I can save by switching things – honest!)

I definitely will do at least one charity run – though maybe not a marathon this year; and will continue to not ‘diet’ because I don’t/ cant do that – but keep up a healthier lifestyle. I have clothes that range from size 8-14 in my wardrobe(s) and though I don’t think I’ll ever see a size 8 again I would like to be more towards the smaller end of that range.

That’s just made me think I need to have a clear out. A new year spring clean (in autumn) And stop hoarding stuff and become more organised so I can find things, and, don’t have to have huge clear outs of stuff when I can't shut cupboards or drawers – the garage would be a good starting point – if I tried to park a car in there the only one I could get in would be a toy car. And become more organised generally so I’m not always rushing, late, forgetting to pay bills, or send in dinner money to school etc

Keep up the horse riding – starting again this week as I haven’t been since I hurt my back – and I am very excited as I have found a friend to go riding with who is just as excited about rediscovering horses as I am. So that’s going to be fun. And I would really like to take up guitar playing – I bought one over a year ago intending, as I do, to find a night class to join – and never have. But I'd like to give it a go.

And finally, be a better blogger. Having just discovered the world of blogs a few months ago, I haven’t written as often as I’d like – and also don’t check in regularly enough so I end up missing things on the other blogs I really like and having loads to catch up on.

So, reading this back, the picture I seem to have painted is that in 12 months time I will be sitting on a horse, having just completed a marathon, wearing size 8 jodhpurs, organising a meeting with my bank manager in my diary which presumably will be on the laptop I am using to update my blog while I strum a guitar.. Over ambitious – me?! watch this space!

Hot Gossip and Hot Dogs

I don't consider myself a bad neighbour... I say hello and comment on the weather when I see people in my street, don’t park in front of anyone’s gates, and am happy to take in parcels if people are out. But as my mother would say I do tend to ‘keep myself to myself’.

On my way to work the other morning, I popped into the village shop and behind me in the queue was someone who lives a couple of doors away - we only know her as the ‘blonde lady’ (she’s got very blonde hair), So I said hello and we exchanged neighbourly pleasantries about the weather ‘cold isn’t it’ ‘like the middle of winter’. Having paid for my paper and mints I left and was about to drive away when the Blonde Lady came out and knocked on my car window.

I opened the window – wondering if I was going to get invited to some neighbourly do and already thinking of excuses as to why I couldn’t go – but she started by saying “I’ve left him you know, I didn’t know whether you’d have heard.” ‘Him’ I took to be the man we nicknamed Mr Overalls (as he’s always wearing decorating overalls – our nicknames for neighbours really don’t stretch the imagination!) who lives - or did do - with Blonde Lady.

“No,” I said, “I didn’t know. Gosh, I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Oh, don’t be,” she says, “it’s the best thing I’ve done, he’s not right – he's not normal”

At this point, I was torn between wanting to know what’s supposedly wrong with Mr Overalls and what constitutes ‘not normal’ in my street – and thinking, noooo, I really don’t want to know the intimate details of the breakdown of a strangers relationship. The latter thought won the day – plus I was late for work, so after asking whether she’s still living in the village (yes she is), off I went.

But it did make me wonder what else am I missing out on in my street, what gossip or goings on - there could be wild parties, wife swapping, or drug fuelled scrabble nights going on right under my nose. hmmm I think its best to keep on ‘keeping myself to myself.’

A couple of days later there was a dog show in the village. Not one where you see pedigree pooches preened and prancing about but a proper village dog show with classes for dogs with things like the ‘waggiest tail’ (won by the spaniel puppy) and ‘saddest eyes’ (the Bassett Hound was pipped at the post by the whippet). So me, Son and the Mutt went - we made some new doggy friends and saw ones we hadn’t seen for ages, and caught up with the news – Daisy the rottweiler is only just back on the streets after breaking her leg and having to stay in for three months, Chelsea the sheltie tore a nail out jumping around last time we were out with her, and the man that doesn't bother putting his dog on a lead even though it fights with all the others hasn’t been seen for a while by anyone. And even though we didn’t enter the Mutt we will next year (he is bound to win the ‘dog that most thinks he’s a human and that cats really like him’ class).

I felt better when I came home, thinking that while I may not know the ins and outs of my neighbours private lives, we do have our doggy friends in the village. So though I may not be a complete local social butterfly I’m not such an unsociable hermit crab as I thought I was.

Back to Basics

Although I've been tempted when my sore back isnt so sore to decide Im just being a wuss, its getting better on its own and I dont need to do anything about it, it'll just go away etc etc, I am attempting to be more sensible and take a longer term view. I definitly dont want a recurrence and obviously need it looked at. So on good advice I've signed up with a chiropractor. I have never really thought about what they do before, well you wouldnt really would you unless theres a reason to. But i kind of liked the fact that the one Im going to is looking at it holistically and long term rather than just stop that damn pain for now, so talking and advising on lifestyle, diet, exercise etc (though slightly scary to 'fess up my not too healthy lifestyle to someone in the health profession eg do you drink much water? Maybe a glass or two a day, i mostly drink coffee. How many cups of coffee? probably about 8-10 a day... errr, is that bad?!!).

I think I was also encouraged by the fact that my chiro is young, has big brown eyes, and v soothing antipodean accent as well. It all helps, and is much amusement to my pals who keep making 'jokes' about the fact that i now have to pay a young man to put his hands on me... they'll get bored of it soon! I think I thought it'd be a bit like massage - oh no, no, no, - I have heard things crack and pop very loudly, been pumelled and pushed, and twisted into positions I definitley havent been in for long time. Good news is after an initial bit of ache straight after the sessions, the days following I feel much much better. One of those things that I have no idea how but it seems to work (bit like flying, i have given up trying to work how airplanes stay in the air and just accept it).

I was very disappointed as yesterday I was supposed to do the 10km run for charity, Im trying not to feel too much like a failure and very kindly people who sponsored me are still giving the cash and Im making a donation so at least the charity hasnt lost out. But accept that I do have to learn lessons from this experience and definitley make health and exercise an everyday item and priority so I can look for another one to do in the near future, be well prepared and not need a panic programme to get fit for it.

So its back to basics on the fitness front - 'gentle regular exercise' is advised. I thnk one of the reasons my bad back is making me grumpy, is that I just feel so old. For now jogging, horse riding and doing anything that jars my spine is out according the the chiro (damn shame that sitting at a computer all day or in three hour meetings, doesnt qualify for this, so still have to go to work - but do have to walk around much more and take breaks - which will be novel). Lots of walking and cycling are in (other recommended exercise was gentle workouts at the gym - which i hate - and swimming - which i love doing in the sea or open air pools, but not keen on at the local baths).

So Im taking this to heart and have lengthened the Mutts daily walks, much to his delight, and son who is keen on cycling is also pleased with my new found keenness to get out on our bikes. Usually we stick to lanes and cycle paths but invariably sometimes end up cycling on the road. What a scary experience this can be! When Im in a car and behind or passing a cyclist I always make sure that there is plenty of room and I can go right round them giving a wide berth, and only go past them if theres room to do this (I have a fear and dread that people on bikes will fall off in front of me when Im driving). Hmmm not all drivers seem to think the same way. For this reason Im turning into one of those annoying cyclists that where ever possible uses the footpaths - and tell my son to do this even if I dont - so sorry pedestrians but I have much more sympathy with why people do this now.

All or nothing

My nan reckoned her motto was everything in moderation - and she didn't do badly on it, living into a pretty healthy ripe old age.
Sadly its not genetic and I'm more of an all or nothing girl myself. i think for moderation you have to be organised, self disciplined and well controlled, not do as I do which is leave things til the last minute, live in a constant rush, and actually enjoy to some degree organised chaos (despite the despair of my boss it does tend to work for me and i never miss a deadline).

But most recently this attitude of extremes has resulted in a painful lesson for me. About 3 months ago I decided to sign up for a 10km run, to help me get fit and healthy and raise money for a good cause as well. Three months seemed ages to train and take up regular running to get me fit enough to do a respectable run. I started with the best of intentions, sorted out some routes, started going 2 or 3 times a week on a run with Mutt and Son for moral support. Then I forget what happened - bad weather, long hours at work, weekends away, Son not around to join me... all feeble excuses but it lapsed. So with just over 3 weeks to go, panic set in and so started an extreme exercise routine - running x1 per day and other exercise session x1 per day (cycling/ step machine/ or the dreaded gym).

At the same time I decided I'd had enough living in a bedroom with bare floorboards, three different types of wallpaper and obvious markings where I'd pulled out the fitted wardrobes when I moved in. though one of the joys of being single is not having to share a bedroom I had lived with it long enough and finally got round to decorating. Tackling it with the usual extreme attitude i decided to do it in one week so had an intense seven days of steaming off wallpaper, painting, wallpapering, moving furniture around the house, more painting, trips to DIY shops, more furniture moving, trips to the rubbish dump.

The combined effect of the extreme exercise and extreme decorating have taken their toll and I have I believe what is medically termed 'done my back in'. Not being very medically inclined but I have worked out I've done something to a muscle - and realised that muscles in your back are connected to pretty much everything apparantley so if I move my arm, leg, head or even sneeze im at risk of yelling out like someone's just stuck pins in me (gosh maybe it is voodoo). Over the past few days I have dropped dinner plates, given up jogging, struggled to pick up Mutts ball much to his frustration, cancelled horse riding, not been able to take the handbrake off in the car, and have to sit down very carefully! Am too impatient to be a good patient, and this is my only week off in the summer hols and have plans to do lots. so i am taking a mix of strong painkillers during the day and alcohol at night which go some way to numb whatever it is that hurts. Feels pathetic complaining about a bad back but have never had anything like it before and am very surprised at how painful it is - and how debilitating!
Never mind, if it all does get too much and I have to take to my bed I have a beautifully decorated bedroom to lie down in!

Faking it

My brother has just turned 40 - yep the big 4-0 (he is my older bro I hasten to add - oh so so much older than me...!)
I think that I am not v Grown Up, and indeed feel a bit of a fake really. Reasons for this include the fact i have never had a Dinner Party (BBQs and friends round for lots of wine and then when feeling snacky raiding the crisp cupboard dont count); I do not possess a Cake Tin (I think its rude not to buy them from shops when they're already made for you but i do get v excited when someone produces genuine home made ones); i don't do Couply Things with couples (and I'm not in a couple); I do not have a dish washer (surely a basic mod con these days); I have never been one of those Proper Mums that is always at the school gates, goes on school trips, signs Son up to every club going or makes birthday cakes (no cake tin of course); I definitley do not have a Barker and Stonehouse house (would I want one?).

But my big bro I think beats me at Faking It, tho I dont often say he beats me at many things, and I realise all is not going to change when I hit the next Big Birthday. Yes, he has a job, car and mortgage. But he, for instance, is so not a Grown Up, that he doesn't own a tea pot (his partner took the last one when she left - but that was about a year ago); his biggest/ only responsibility is two cats (but only by default as the ex girlfriend left them behind when she took the tea pot); he enjoys many a boys night in when him and pals play into the early hours on their playstation games (even more so since ex left); and he can still throw a fabulous strop at the end of his own - very long and liquid - birthday party and disappear to bed without saying anything to the guests who are still drinking and making merry on his behalf (and not remember why he did so in the morning - exactly like his 18th b-party and many others since).

I wonder if its something in our genes, generation, or whether our parents did something for us to turn out this way - nature or nurture - I'm sure my mother must wonder at times too.

IT lows and Irish Highs

Gosh, it's been more than two weeks since i last blogged (how much like the start of a confession does that sound!!) this being thanks to a couple of weekends away and many technical problems happening when i have been at home. My old - and only - techy solution of turning everything off and back on again has taken several days to come good for me, but it never fails.. eventually! I have spent a lot of time staring at the screen/ plugs/ box thing as if that would suddenly make it right again - much like anytime there's a problem with the car i can open the bonnet and look at the bits.. and that's about it. But still, the staring solution sometimes works.

Spent a great weekend away in Northern Ireland, i love going places I've never been before and this didn't disappoint at all. Definite highlights included a trip to the Giant's Causeway - to keep in with the theme of the last post.. and see if I could find the matching cutlery. What an amazing place, life always get put into perspective when I see something phenomenal that's all thanks to nature, (bees, sunsets and the moon are a source of constant fascination!!) It was really peaceful as well in an odd way as waves were crashing onto the rocks and the place was swarming with blooming tourists (I know, i did get reminded that i was in that category as well!)

Stayed in Belfast which was a first as well, and a really fascinating place. Its obviously right in the middle of regeneration with tons of investment being poured in, from new shopping centres, to five star hotels, to the ubiquitous riverside luxury apartments. Took a trip around 'the murals' up Shankhill Road and Falls Road which was a great reality check although the tour guide used rather Orwellian sounding language like 'the process of normalisation'. It was also an ignorance check as I hadnt realised that the communities live literally next door to each other and the roads run parellel, nor that there was and still is a dividing wall - or 'peace line' according to the guide - between them. Its worrying sometimes how ignorant i think you can be about things so near to home.

The place is great, I'd highly recommend it to anyone who hasnt been to go before it gets too 'developed' in the way many of our cities in England have, though I'm sure the fantastic old buildings that are around the city will remain. The people, craik, food and drink all fabulous - and can particularly recommend Benedicts for a good meal and night out. No idea where it is, but it was lively!

I think next year I'd like to hire a car and see much more of Ireland, having only been to Dublin before this trip. There's a lot lot more to see. Think I'll add that to the 'to do' list - better get cracking on this list as the health and fitness bit of it has suffered a severe set back after the past couple of weekends of excess enjoyment.

Giant Surprise

We have giants! I have had mice before (which was fun for the cats), and slugs (very unpleasant for everyone) and occassionally the animals have had fleas. But never before had giants. The proof is in the pudding - or rather the 3 metre high steel pudding spoon stuck in the ground, which we happened across while out on a run/jog/walk this week. It is in the middle of nowhere and is for no apparent reason. So we think it may have been left behind by giants while out on a picnic. Or perhaps they have buried something there and wanted to make sure they could find it again (wonder what that could be). It was all very Alice in Wonderland and just in case anyone accuses me of suffering from a lack of oxygen due to excess running, photographic evidence will be attached if I can work out how to do it.

The aim of going running is to get fit and make sure i can do a 10km in Sept without embarrasing myself more than necessary. But its also becoming very educational and entertaining. As well as discovering giants exist (who would you ring to share this discovery with.. David Attenborough?) I have learnt that my arm can swell up to the size of a baby elephants leg (no kidding) when I get bitten by some unseen insect that I'm clearly allergic to.

I've also learned that my son and dog are increasingly similar. The Mutt has lost several balls while accompanying me for a run - he insists on taking them out, which is fine as gives me an excuse to stop while I have to pick it up and throw it for him. But then he will get distracted, go off after smells and other interesting doggy things, and re-appear without the ball. He then gives me a look which definitley says 'where's my ball then, what have you done with it.' and looks indignant when I tell him he has to find it. He half heartedly snuffles about and fails miserably. This lack of responsibilty for his own things, habit of dropping stuff and expecting someone else will pick it up, and expectation that I somehow know where everything is, are all traits shared with Son, who's exhibited them since he was old enough to crawl. I wonder if its a boy thing or whether its just creatures who live in my house who develop these characteristics. Even though the cats lack possessions they too tend to just drop small furry things that they bring into the house sometimes, with no regard for putting them away or tidying up after themselves. The goldfish seem tto be the only ones unafflicted with these bad habits - so far.

Long summer days

Tomorrow I will definitely have that Monday feeling - and it'll be Tuesday. I have had a day off work today and it's been fabulous. A long run - that sounds too professional, its actually a bit of jogging along and much walking - with Team B first thing, then into town with Son where we visited a couple of interactive science type places which in my day were called museums but are much more entertaining these days.

Back in the miserable month of February I had a fantastic idea. Well it cheered me up at the time. I booked two weeks away in October - 2 weeks at this time of the year is actually cheaper than just one in the middle of the summer hols. We're going to a Greek island, the weather forecasts are still good at that time of year. My parents decided they'd like to come too which will be lovely as we havent had a holiday together for ages. But i forgot how much this would complicate the juggle that is the great six weeks summer holidays.

My parents, though in their 60s, both still work - despite me telling them they really can pack it in now - they're taking the whole working class thing too far. It means they're limited to how much time they can take off work during the summer holidays as I am. This week sees me off work today, grandpa in charge tomorrow, Son staying at friends on Weds night, grandma picking him up on Thursday, and me working at home on Friday. I'm lucky in some ways- I have my parents who help out and I'm in a position where I can be flexible and bring work home sometimes. But its still a logistical nightmare.

Never mind, Son is enjoying the idea of lots of different days out with different company - and I have a short week this week!

Small steps

First week of my new fitness lark and it hasn't been too bad. This is all relative - in five days I've been jogging twice and horse riding once. The running thing wasn't as bad as I expected, bearing in mind the (non healthy) things I've put my body through over the years. I had the support of Team B - the Mutt running along with me and my Top Son on his bike shouting encouragement like 'see those old women who've just gone past, they're going much faster than you'. Cheers Son! I'm sure we looked an impressive outfit, as if preparing for the 2012 Olympics, me well out of breath and gasping after a few hundred metres (and still no sports bra), Mutt soaked from jumping into every bit of river/ puddle/ flood he could find, and son zooming past waiting for no woman or dog on his bike shouting his supportive comments.

Indeed Son has turned into Mr Motivator (some would say he's just very bossy, no idea who he gets that from...) as I got home after work and a supermarket trip after 7pm one night and really did not feel like going running. But my lack of enthusiasm was met with a disgusted look and comments of 'But you said you were going to get fit and do this run really well.. you'll never do it if you don't practice'...etc. It was enough of a telling off and echo of things I might say to him, to make me pull on those trainers and trackie bottoms for another Team B outing. delighted when Son told me the gadget on his bike said I'd done a mile, bit disappointed when he said this was actually the total - and it'd been half a mile there and half a mile back. Never mind, small steps...

Also done the horse riding thing again... and much less face redenning than last time (that definitley was the sun!) A bit nervous going along to a group session as I feared it would be filled with young daft girls all really good riders and show offs, so I was relieved and pleased to find its only a small group and we're all of a similar age and just there to enjoy it. The others same as me rediscovering something they enjoyed 20+ years ago. I was worried that if I didnt enjoy it I'd be put off going again, but was great fun and great company, so think the Tuesday Trotters will be a regular thing. Best get myself hat, boots and stuff now so i don't let the group down in the style stakes!

Should improve the eating habits a bit more I think... trying but must do better i think the phrase would be. As an instance, the other day had a healthy salad for lunch and snacked on fruit during the day (very good), then finished work, dashed to pick up son, pick up friend and then onto the cinema to see the rather long Harry Potter film. We got home after 10pm. As a result my dinner consisted of salted popcorn and two scoops of ice cream (very nice but not very healthy).

But I've discovered M&S do something v nice called Blueberry Wine Cooler, which looks like a bottle of wine but isn't really - its only 4% alcohol & obviously has lots of fruit in it eg blueberries-so it must be healthy. Bought lots of this as have decided that this is an acceptable substitute for proper wine. at least during the week. Small steps, after all.

This is my first time

Very excited that I have got this far so far into the world of Blogging. I think even if noone else reads it I'm going to find it useful, I guess similar to keeping a Journal but different in that my diaries in the past have come with a lock and key and say keep out, private, its mine, you will die if you dare look in here (that one was used many years ago when I was an over-reacting teenager). I guess this is public but in a private way. I feel if i say in here that Im going to do something then Im going to feel more motivated/ pressured to do it.

I had no idea what to call this either - i wonder if other people struggle or have a Eureka moment, or maybe its just blooming obvious to them. I also struggled with the description - i guess i tend to describe who I am depending on who is asking and why - I am a senior manager/ I am a single mother/ I am single/ I am mid-late thirties/ I am all sorts of things...

I think the age thing is difficult at my age (38 in a couple of months). What do you say? So am I middle aged/ thirty something/ nearly 40? I probably prefer to think 30-something is the best description as I definitley do not feel affinity to the others - and because of the tv programme ages ago that I think made it all seem a bit glam. So I guess thats actually not a good description of me then!

I genuinely tend to forget my age when asked, so keep trying to get myself to remember that am nearing 40 as i think I'll be able to remember that one. And I obviously look my age - the nice (young) chap who came to look at my car on Friday when I dunched it (thats another story) didnt even bother asking but had me down on the forms as 'Mrs'. I have never been, and am unlikely to ever be a Mrs, due to not seeing the point of it all. But guess i must look like i should be/ have been married by now..!

I like the sound of being in the summer time of my life - middle aged sounds so, well,.. middle aged (and isn't 40 the new 30..?!). If we're averaging a life of 80 years now (at least I will be when I get on that health and fitness regime), then I guess 38-40 must be the May/ June time of life. Makes me think of sunshine, long days and light nights, BBQs... except for this year when its been a horrific washout of course...

Red faced

I have a friend who is avidly getting into 'life coaching'. Having another moan that Im fed up in my job, dont get out enough, need to lose a stone, etc etc. she told me i should look at coaching and something called the Circus of Life. Actually I misheard and she actually said Circle of Life - but i still like the idea of becoming a ring master/ mistress - not too keen on the top hat but like idea of the boots and whip! Anyway the idea is that if you want to change something you look at all areas of your life and you can find that making changes in one part lead to or help with changes in other areas.

So one of the areas in my life that i want to do something about is health and fitness (ie I dont have much). Giving up smoking - nearly 100%- having a long term fondness for alcohol and high calorie food, and something akin to an allergy to most forms of exercise, have all taken a toll. This toll shows up around my hips and belly mostly and i reaslied recently that i must have what is quaintly known as 'middle age spread' which actually sounds like a mouldy margarine.

So to give me a goal - if I am to be the circus master/ mistress of my life I must set goals and then work out the do-able steps to get me there - i have signed up to do one of the Cancer Research 10Km runs. (if i can work out how I'll link to their site as they're happening all over the country). It feels like I am making myself run before I can powerwalk, but I now have a goal and it also raises money for a very good cause. But realistically I have to start exercising every day - while I'd love to break a record, I dont want it to be for the longest time ever to do 10km. Like that man who took 5 days or something to finish the London Marathon, but he was dressed in an old fashioned divers costume so had an excuse (theres a thought)

My Mixed Up Mutt will love me even more if thats possible as I'll take him running with me. In fact given that he goes for walks twice a day and i cant think of any exercise i really like, these could turn into twice daily runs. Could. Maybe. I joined a gym several months ago, knowing that i hate it and the last time i joined one many years ago i went 6 times and gave up. And surprise surprise - have done exactly the same thing this time. Am now pondering whether its legal to sell on the other 6 months I have left on the membership. And note to self - dont ever ever ever fool yourself into joining a gym again - you really do hate it.

So today I went horse riding..this can be part of my fitness regime. I know that this seems like cheating, it's the horse getting the exercise but trust me, its made me feel muscles I didnt know I had (and reminded me that I have been single a v long time!!). This is the second time in about 20 years I have been on a horse - but between the ages of about 9 and 12 I was one of those obsessed young girls whose dream is to have their own pony and who spent every weekend literally shovelling shit (some things never change...!) at the local stables. Its like riding the proverbial bike - i managed to remember most things today - and even better, i still love it! I want a pony!!! But of course I'm grown up now and realise this is never going to happen (which is very sad).

I was on the horse for about half an hour, most of that trotting including the dreaded sitting trot - must get myself a decent sports bra - and I was all out of breath and jellied muscled when I got off. Some small girls stared at me - thinking she's a bit old and unfit to be riding, so i thought - and the lady I paid made the comment that i looked a bit hot (I was - very). But what I wasn't prepared for when I got in the car and looked in the mirror was the fact that I had morphed into a lobster, I seriously looked like I'd stuck my head into a pot of pillar box paint, I was soooo red.

This is a v dangerous condition as i kept having to check in the mirror whilst driving home to see if i was getting less red. I had wanted to pop into the shop for a paper on the way but didn't want to scare small children. I decided apart from not being a good look, being this red must mean I:
have developed v high blood pressure (its usually low but admittedly isn't something that's regularly checked)
was suffering after effects of last night's wine (its hard not to finish the whole bottle when there's noone to share it with), or
have burst all my blood vessels as a result of the riding malarkey (I burst them in my eyes when I was giving birth and looked like James Nesbitt does in his Jekyll character for weeks after).
I then remembered when I'd been out earlier walking Mixed Up Mutt it had been extremely sunny and while i had put sun cream on my arms and shoulders I hadn't put any on my face.

As it has now been several hours and i have a red tinge remaining I'm very happily telling myself that it must have been the sun, mixed maybe a bit with the exertions of sitting on a horse (honestly it really is tiring!). At least I hope it was the sun as I've signed up to join a Tuesday night riding group where they are starting to do jumping - imagine the colour I might be after that session!